Last night I was at the UBC pool doing my freediving course.
It was the eighth week of a twelve week advanced training course. Now, this is not my first freediving course. In fact, all of the stuff that we've been taught so far is stuff that I already know. So last night when we hit the pool to do some training I thought, this will be easy. But for some reason it wasn't; I found that I underperformed significantly when compared to training I've done in the past.
The funny thing is, I know that I can do better. I could have done better. But the truth is, I kinda gave up last night. For some reason I just wasn't all that interested.
And now I have started to worry. Where has my competitive spirit gone? Does it still exist or do I really not care? Am I really not interested in exploring my full potential anymore? I mean, just last year I felt so great about my training, about winning a medal, about my potential for world-class standing in this sport. But more recently I've been questioning the point of competition, of trying to be THE BEST at something. What is the point? Why do I want to be better than someone else at something? Why do I even want to do better than I have in the past? These are the questions that I'm struggling with in the lead up to the national competition at the end of the month. These aren't the most ideal questions to have in my mind going into a competition. But I think they're good questions all the same.
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