morning gruel

my new favourite thing...

I know what you're thinking; My new favourite thing must be my child. You haven't heard much from me lately and you know the baby's on the way...

Well you're wrong. Now, if you know anything about me -- if you've been following along at all -- you know that I have a certain weakness for banana bread. So last night when I went out for dinner with friends, I nearly had an aneurysm when I saw banana bread pudding with chocolate sauce and vanilla ice cream on the menu.

I know it's terribly rude to eat dessert while everyone else is having dinner. So I waited. And waited. I somehow managed to order a main course. And as I ate, I made polite conversation, pretending that I was fully enjoying my meal and that I wouldn't rather be eating banana bread pudding with chocolate sauce and vanilla ice cream, trying desperately to pay attention to everything that everyone had to say, when in reality all I could think about was the fact that this restaurant had taken banana bread to the next level and it was somewhere back there in the kitchen waiting for me.

I started to panic when everyone mentioned how full they were after the main course. What if no one wanted dessert? I couldn't be the only one. But Morgaine knows me too well. She suggested that we share a dessert and let me choose. Of course she knew what I'd pick: banana bread pudding with chocolate sauce and vanilla ice cream, my new favourite thing...

Until next week or so...

24 hours of goodness

I don't know how I'm going to stay off the sugar induced roller coaster with this new bit of information that I've received. You see, Morgaine recently discovered that the local bakery --the one with chocolate raspberry croissants-- is open 24 hours. Morgaine surely struggled with her decision to inform me of this, juggling the knowledge of my love of pastries with my battle with the sugar roller coaster. But how could she resist wanting to see the look on my face when I found out that I could get pastries ANYTIME I WANT.

This is a problem. Because pretty much the only thing that keeps me from eating pastries all day long is the fact that I don't generally have access to said pastries at all hours. I mean sure, I could buy extra pastries during the day and eat them late at night, but then they wouldn't be fresh, just from the store pastries, they'd just be kinda pathetic day olds.

Then again, perhaps the 24 hour bakery doesn't actually bake for 24 hours and their late night pastries are indeed day olds. For all I know, all I'm excited about is the convenience of being able to pick it up anytime I want. Well I don't know if these 24 hour pastries are really day old pastries. But I know one way to find out...

day after cake

Yesterday Morgaine bought me a birthday cake.

For those of you who don't already know, I love birthday cake. And I especially love those grocery store birthday cakes of questionable quality with icing made from petroleum bi-product. And that's what Morgaine bought me. Yup, she went against all of her instincts to buy some beautiful gourmet cake and instead sought out the cake that she knew I wanted: cheap and crappy.

I try to eat healthy, I really do, but then my sweet tooth bites me in the butt. So I ate half of the cake in one sitting (and this was not a small cake). The rest of it is just sitting in my fridge, waiting for me to come home from work so I can eat it. But I'm not going to eat it because now that my birthday is over I can no longer indulge without guilt.

And so Healthy Craig says that I should go home and throw the rest of the cake away. But Sweet Tooth Craig is smart; he appeals to Frugal Craig by saying that it would be wasteful to throw cake out.

Hmm, two against one. That doesn't seem fair at all...

p.s. In response to all those who were concerned: I still live in Vancouver. If I ever leave this city, you can bet that I'll make a pretty big deal out of it.

i can't hold out forever

There's a Tim Horton's downtown that I walk past several times a week.

The nice thing about most donut shops is that they have doors. You see, when I walk up to a store that has delicious donuts inside, I am relieved by the fact that it has a door. Because the small pause in momentum that a door provides allows just enough time for my willpower to kick in and tell me that I don't really want a donut. Yup, that little bit of awareness that opening a door requires is all it takes for me snap to my senses and walk on by. And it's not that difficult to keep walking because to be honest, I don't really want a donut. But at the same time, I REALLY WANT A DONUT.

So maybe they had people like me in mind when they built this new Tim Horton's downtown without doors. You see, it's inside the walkway to a Skytrain station. A Skytrain station that I use... often. No door between me and the donuts means there's no barrier to force that moment of personal reflection. So all I'm left with now is simple willpower. Eek.

On the subject of donuts, these are my favourites in no order of importance:

- bismark

- old fashioned glazed

- crueller

- chocolate dipped

- chocolate dipped with sprinkles

All the rest run a close second.

step one

I am an addict.

There, I've said it. I've never thought of myself as having an 'addictive' personality but I am finally admitting to it. They say admitting you have a problem is the first step, right? Well, I'm addicted to banana loaf. I just can't get enough. In fact, one of the reasons I look forward to going to work is because I'm going to go across the street to Starbucks to get a slice of banana loaf. And to tell you the truth, Starbucks banana loaf isn't even all that great -- proving that quality isn't important to satisfy this addiction. I just need my fix.

J.J. Bean's banana loaf is, on the other hand, fantastic. They have two kinds there -- with chocolate chips and without. And sure they're both good, but why would anyone get the one without chocolate chips when the one with chocolate chips IS RIGHT BESIDE IT?

As you can probably tell, I really am hooked. So how do I manage to not eat banana loaf everyday, you ask? I don't. I EAT IT EVERYDAY. But I don't want to anymore. It just can't be good for me (can it?). Truly, I have tried to curb my addiction. In fact, when I hop across the street from work for a cup of tea, I'll often opt for a slightly more healthy pastry. But a 'low-fat' fruit bar is just not as satisfying as banana loaf especially when THAT'S WHAT I REALLY WANT. So often I'll go back later for a slice, completely defeating the purpose of the 'low-fat' fruit bar unpleasantness.

It's time to put a stop to this addiction. Perhaps a trick that my Dad used to quit smoking cold-turkey might help: Every time he wanted a cigarette, he simply told himself that he had just finished one. I'll try that right now:

I really want a slice of banana loaf.

But I just had one.

Well, I really want ANOTHER one.

five bucks worth of ice and sugar

It was so hot out yesterday that I had to buy a slurpee.

Now that may seem normal to you, but I work really hard to stay away from all sweet stuff as much as possible. The truth is that I can easily get sucked into a sugar bender. One of the reasons that I regularly bake my own healthy, vegan pastries is so that I will be less tempted when I walk past a donut shop or some other such bakery full of sweet, sweet goodness. I even take my own scones with me when I go out for tea. Frankly, if I didn't have this little thing called willpower I would have the same dietary plan as Homer SImpson.

But I had been craving a slurpee for days. And I figured that since I managed to dodge the onion ring bullet the other day, I had earned an indulgence.  So on the way to the beach, I stopped in at a 7-11. I instinctively reached for the largest cup of the four sizes available. It was bladder-sized. My hand stopped short. Had I learned nothing from my onion ring experience? I didn't need a HUGE slurpee to satisfy a simple craving. I looked at the next size down... still too big. Even the one after that seemed a little large to me. And then I saw it, a tiny little cup that, once filled, would satisfy my craving but not put me on a sugar roller-coaster.

Then I noticed the price. That tiny cup was only 99 cents but the next size up was a mere $1.29, then $1.49 and finally $1.69 for the largest. Looking at the big one, I could see that it had the volume of about five of the 99 cent cups. Which means that I could get $4.95 worth of slurpee for a mere $1.69, thus saving $3.26!

Sure I could have bought the smaller one but I would have lost money.

cheap and crappy

It has occurred to me that I write about food a lot.

Let's face it, I love food. And not just good food. I also love cheap and crappy food. The only thing that keeps me from eating terrible food on a regular basis is the knowledge that it's so darn bad for me. It also helps that I'm vegetarian and am therefore not tempted by most fast food.

However, last week I passed by an A&W and something inside me (perhaps a tinge of nostalgia) said, Mmmm, A&W. And then I thought to myself, There's really nothing for me to eat there... except onion rings. Oh man, A&W onion rings! When was the last time I had those? You can't get cheaper or crappier food than A&W onion rings. I just had to have them.

I parked my willpower at the door and walked in. As the woman behind the counter took my order, I thought about how delicious the rings would be. And then I realized that only the first one, maybe even the first two, would be delicious. After that I would start thinking What exactly am I eating? and What kind of oil do they cook these in? and What is that batter made from anyway? And by the third ring the grease would get to me. As much as I wanted those onion rings, I knew that once I ate them I would wish that I hadn't. I found myself wondering if perhaps they would sell me just one onion ring. Or maybe two.

But instead of attempting to barter for a single onion ring, I summoned up all of the willpower that I had left outside, canceled my order, and left.

almost as awesome as cake

So there was no cake at the party.

Beyond my obvious indignation at being hauled to a party after work and not be fed cake, I was shocked to find that the only desert item on offer was chocolate covered strawberries.

You see, I've never been a firm believer in the combination of chocolate and fruit. In fact, I'm quite against it. Don't get me wrong, I love them both separately but I'm no fan of the combo. When I am presented with a chocolate/fruit hybrid, depending on my mood, I will think one of two things: 1) What a waste of fruit, or more likely, 2) What a waste of chocolate.

And that's pretty much how I felt until the other day. No, I wasn't converted by Heather's (so I'm told) delicious combination of strawberries and chocolate. I didn't go near them. What got me was the banana loaf that I had when I went out for a cup of tea. I thought those dark spots were currants or raisins or something not... chocolate. It turns out that the combination of bananas and chocolate doesn't entirely repulse me. In fact, that loaf was quite delicious. But I think I was tricked into liking it. I think it's more likely that it was the surprise of chocolate that made me like it, as in: Oh my god, I didn't know I was going to get chocolate this morning! This is the best day ever!

Because let's face it, unexpected chocolate is pretty darn awesome. Almost as awesome as cake.

but will there be cake?

I'm supposed to go to a party after work tonight.

It's a housewarming party for my friend Heather. Now, I'm happy to attend this little soiree. But if I have to go to a party and show up late, I would much prefer it to be a birthday party. Why, you ask? It's simple really. You see, birthday parties have cake which, as you may already know, is one of my favourite things in the world; it falls just behind Morgaine, our soon-to-arrive child, and the cat. So it doesn't place in the top three but it's pretty high on the list. It certainly has the highest ranking of all other inanimate objects.

Now, the great thing about showing up for a birthday party late is that by the time you get there everyone's drunk and no none will notice when you go for that third slice of cake. But as I mentioned, tonight's party is Heather's housewarming party. Do they even have cake at housewarming parties? Maybe I should bring one as a gift. I can see it now:

Me: Happy housewarming, I brought you a cake.
Heather: Thanks Craig, why are all the corner pieces missing?
Me: Oh look, there's Morgaine. I gotta go say hi...

sugar bear

When I go grocery shopping, I always buy organic.

That's because I know that organic is simply better. Sure it's a bit more expensive, but it's better tasting, better for the environment, and better for my health. And I can't put a price on my health. And thankfully, organic has really gone mainstream. It seems like nowadays you can get almost any product in an organic version.

It's easy to get fooled into thinking that anything organic is good for you. But that's not necessarily so.
Case in point: organic gummi bears. Yes, they do exist and yes, they are fabulous. And not only are they organic, they are gelatin-free so I don't have any nagging guilt at the idea of eating rendered horse hooves. But just because they are organic, doesn't mean they're good for you. I mean, what are gummi bears? Sugar, flavour, sugar, colour, and more sugar. Sure it's all certified organic, but a lump of sugar is a lump of sugar. No, organic gummi bears simply can't be good for you, but they sure are good all the same.

Now, I know they aren't actually good for me but I could keep eating them forever. The only thing that stops me is the fact that a 200 gram bag costs about eight or nine bucks.My great desire to eat millions of organic gummi bears is offset by their inaccessible price. So really they are a healthy snack since it's impossible to buy more than a little at a time.

Did I mention they have one that's grapefruit flavoured? Mmmmm.